Judge not lest ye be judged

Judge not lest ye be judged

Some of the gays have a terrible reputation. I am not talking about sluttiness here. After all, some of the gays wear sluttiness like a badge of honor, no matter how many right-wing fantasies about the community they confirm. Instead, I am talking about how judgmental they can be. In this, the gays are also aligned with the extreme right. No matter how down in the mouth they are themselves, it doesn't take much effort to get the gays to insist that they are at least better than someone else. The sea of judgment in the gay bars, in malls and especially in Malate sometimes seems so deeply rooted in our culture that it feels like it would be impossible to be gay without it. I just wonder how we got this way in the first place.

Let the record show that no one is more Judge Dread and executioner than I am. I love to judge people. It has been a part of my job once when I was still in events and shows. You pick a cute guy, put him up a little higher than everyone else and wait to see what the reaction is. Some guys will agree that he is smoking hot, and others will insist that they are better than he is. It is classic gay conflict. "I'm hotter than him" is the gay community version of a schoolyard chant. And for the record, it is just as annoying.

I think it's a great idea when people take pride in themselves. There is nothing wrong with lauding your own achievements. But why does it have to be at someone else's expense? Can't your own just success just be about you and not about how you passed someone else in the race? Perhaps it makes our own successes a little sweeter knowing that not only have we improved ourselves, but in doing so, we have moved beyond our peers. That would be just fine if we weren't all so totally unbearable about it.

I have many single friends. They are often single for weeks, months and even years. However, there isn't a dry spell dry enough to keep them from excluding thousands of men as potential dates. Naturally, the easiest way to get crossed off the list is to not flirt back or even look over from across the bar. Someone who didn't notice you standing there suddenly has "attitude" and "isn't that cute anyway." The root of that particular problem is wanting to feel adored and hoping the cute guy will suddenly cotton to your charms and ask you to the dance. If he doesn't, the clearest fallback position is one of abject hostility. After all, the best offense is a good defense.

Perhaps it all comes down to feelings of rejection. The gays face rejection from their family, churches, society, co-workers and friends. Rejecting strangers before they can reject you has to feel empowering on a certain level, particularly if the world has been tough on you. The problem with that is that it cuts off our chances of meeting someone potentially great. No one is perfect, and if we use tiny flaws and our own insecurities to dismiss them entirely, we lose out on one more possible chance for happiness. As life goes on, those chances get fewer and fewer. With a less judgmental attitude, we might find all sorts of great guys falling for us.